It’s been almost a full week since our Racers unexpectedly returned home because of the COVID-19. There has never been a reason in the past to pull a whole squad off the field, let alone all of them, so this was a shock to everyone. Below, April Knab shares her thoughts as she begins to process this huge, unexpected change. She writes that even though she never thought her final months of her Race would be in the U.S., she fully believes that her journey is not over.
I’m in America.
I still wake up confused most mornings. But it’s true, I’m back in the land of bland bananas, where you don’t have to pay for the bathroom, and where everyone will understand your conversations when you talk in public.
When I found out my squad was going to fly back to the US, honestly I was in complete shock and it took a hot minute for that reality to sink in. We had heard many things going around about the coronavirus, but where we were in Africa, it seemed pretty much nonexistent, no one was worried, no one was panicked, everyone was just living their lives. My team and I had conversations about the possibility of our route being changed, but completely leaving the field was not an option that even crossed my mind.
Then just like that, we got on a plane and came home. It happened so fast that it was almost impossible to process anything that was going on. I’m so thankful that for the past few days I’ve gotten to spend time with some of my squad-mates and help each other process all that happened.
The Lord has really just been bringing me back to the basics of His presence.
It’s been hard trying to figure out where to go from here, I feel like I’m in a constant swirl of “I don’t know’s” and “that’s okays.”
I’m centering myself on the one thing of certainty and unshakability—love and being in the presence of the one who is unendingly good no matter the circumstance. Because at the end of the day, nothing really matters but being with Him. My ministry, and everything good and blessed and beautiful in life flows from that.
I didn’t know that my month 7 (or 8 or 9 or 10 or 11) of the race was going to be the USA, but I’m so expectant to see what the Lord leads me to do here in the coming weeks, or months, or however long He has me here.
Leaving the field so quickly and being thrown back into life in the US with having nothing figured out, no job, no car, and uncertainty of where to live, can seem terrifying. Alternately, I’m seeing it as an exhilarating adventure of trust and dependence on God to show up like He always does.
He will lead me.
He’s more than enough.
A few weeks ago, in Ghana, God gave me this vision of me holding His hand in this hilly, wide-open land. We were running together and He was leading me along an uncharted path. The way we were going was foggy, chilly, uncertain, unclear, but also refreshing. There was so much excitement in His disposition and though I didn’t know where we were going, I knew it was worth being excited about. I wrote this vision down and journaled:
“Not knowing what lies ahead or where you’re taking me, but it doesn’t matter, because I just love going with you. There’s so much confidence and comfort in your hand. Being with you is always enough and going with you is always the best place. I’ve searched high and low for fulfillment in even holy things and have come to find that nothing is more than this: That you love me and that I get to love you back. Wow, God, thank you for just wanting me to be a part of your plan.”
Little did I know that He was leading me to the United States three weeks later. How crazy!
So I guess with all this jumble of things I’m writing, really what I’m trying to say is simply that anything void of Him is nothing. That the only thing that really matters is that He loves us and that we get to love Him back.
That God has a plan, always. (And that it’s an honor we even get to be a part of that plan!!!)
That no matter where we are, no matter what happens, no matter what we have or don’t have, Love is enough.
His presence is enough.
His goodness is enough.
His faithfulness is enough.
He’s worth all my trust and then some—so I’ll never stop giving it all to Him.
This life is a crazy journey and I can walk it free of anxiety and worry and stress because of this fact—the pressures not on me. I gave my life away. The pressures on the one to whom my life belongs. All that’s required of me is to stay submitted, and to abide in Him in every way.
I love you all.
My journey is not over.